Knox and Vivienne have arrived, and the world is a better place for the most genetically perfect twins on the planet. While Angelina Jolie was on bedrest for a few weeks, Brad Pitt took care of the other four children. (I am assuming he had an entire household staff's worth of help, but that might be because ...well, because he is super-rich and super-famous, and don't all people who fit that category have household staffs? Or maybe I assume this because I cannot even take my three young'uns to the grocery store without having a nervous breakdown.)

OK, Brad Pitt watches the kids. Good for him, as there are some fathers who can't even bring themselves to do that, or be bothered with 2 a.m. bottles and dirty diapers.

My knowledge about the Jolie-Pitt family was specifically gleaned from a recent issue of People magazine, not that I would have been able to avoid it since "Twin Watch 2008" has been on every single channel and magazine cover since the pregnancy was first rumored.

I was trying to find a good, substantive article on celebrity fathers – how their experience might differ from those of us raising children without being hounded constantly by an increasingly aggressive media, their perspective on fatherhood, etc. I found a few random articles where some famous fathers offered a word or two about how great fatherhood was, or how much they loved their kids. I'm glad to hear it, of course, but the focus of parenthood articles seem largely on the moms. Not that moms don't deserve all of the credit in the world, and many of the readers of these publications are probably women, but how come male celebrities aren't asked more about their parenthood experiences? Even when they are, usually in "men's magazines" – no, not "gentlemen's magazines" – the answers are rote and brief: "Love the kids, best experience I ever had, keep me grounded, challenging to balance career/family time, protect their privacy."

The only apparent exception is when they do something wrong. (Not that celebrity moms are exempt from this. See: Spears, Britney.) Michael Jackson, with his masked children, one of whom he dangled over the edge of a balcony? We remember. Alec Baldwin's infamous voicemail? We got the message. Selling your baby's pics for millions, even if it is (sometimes) for charity? I'm talking to you McConaughey – tacky.

Picking on Tom Cruise is old news, especially given that we largely talk about his apparent creepiness more than his talent at this point. By extension, we the great judgmental unwashed, have made all sorts of assumptions about his husbanding and his fathering, to the point where experts have said, based on pictures published in gossip magazines, that he and Katie have left Suri drinking from a bottle for too long. Apparently, she should have graduated to a sippy cup a long time ago. (Maybe the teeth of alien children develop differently ... Thank you. Good night. See how easy it is to take the cheap shot? Now let's see how you react when we are talking about your child's sippy cup, bedtime routines, potty training challenges, and the rest of the things that parenthood requires.)

I'd be a terrible celebrity. Not just because I lack talent – that is no longer a requirement for being famous. Not because I need more hair, less weight and a better publicist. (All of which is true, except for the publicist part. I don't even have a publicist unless you count my wife asking me to wipe the food out of my goatee before someone sees.) I'd be a terrible celebrity because I would try to punch every paparazzo and "expert" right in the face when my children came up. (And then get my butt kicked because I'm basically a wuss.)

I'm an anonymous dad, and that makes it all a lot easier. I'm insecure enough about the job I am doing without having Dr. Phil telling everyone what a terrible dad I am. In fact, some of the most positive things I have seen about celebrity dads is their similar quest for anonymity. A few quick examples: Kingston's dad fronted which band? (You already know that Mommy is Gwen Stefani, once "just a girl," and now expecting her second baby.) Gossip about him as a father? A few pictures here and there, but since nothing bad seems to be happening, not a lot of press. Now, what is the name of Cristina Aguilera's baby-daddy? Stop trying to think about it, you don't know. But, if he were to do something horrible as a dad, you'd know his name in a heartbeat, wouldn't you? And you'd want to read all about it.

One nearly-anonymous dad, now seemingly recovered from his bout with career-killing overexposure is Ben Affleck. He married J-Gar and had a little girl, Violet. Know why you didn't see a picture of her as a newborn? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T SELL ONE. He was, and is, active about defending her privacy as he acknowledges that she didn't choose life in the spotlight. Now 2 ½, I hope to never read about Violet Affleck again. Her life is none of my business, and if I don't hear about it, then Ben, Jen, and Vi must be doing something right. Recently, the Gar-Lecks announced that they were expecting another baby. I hope I never learn anything about that child, either. May they all live long and prosper out of my awareness.

Gorged on celebrity drama and struggle, I am convinced that we are starved for something a little sweeter. We like to hear about the good stuff about our celebrities, too, even if it never makes the front page. Times are tough right now with gas prices, mortgage crisis, slow economy, and the upcoming season of The Bachelorette; reveling in misfortune seems so 90s to me. Give me something to smile about, because I am tired of wearing this ironic, self-righteous sneer (also very 90s, by the way) all of the time.

Like all the unsolicited advice? No, I wouldn't either. So, shut me up and help me find some positive stuff to write about here. Where are all the positive stories about celebrity dads? I want to find them and present them here. I am tired of hearing about celebrity offspring and then waiting for disaster to strike. I want to hear about good decisions, good parents and healthy children.

Am I alone?