Jason Mesnick
The Realities of Marriage and Single Parenting
Reality show star Jason Mesnick knows how difficult and isolating single parenting can be. Mesnick, who was runner up on Season 4 of The Bachelorette and the starring bachelor on the 13th season of The Bachelor, recently launched the Web site Jason's Place, where single parents can connect and share their stories and struggles. He says his goal is to have a place people can come "when the bombs drop on them."
Jason Mesnick's BombThat's how Mesnick describes the feeling of having your spouse walk out on you. His first wife, the mother of his son, Ty, left him when Ty was 10 months old. "It was a very difficult time for me, and I couldn't really find the resources to help me through," says Mesnick. "I was looking for people who had gone through it recently, but also people who had been through it 15 or 20 years ago. I guess some part of me needed to know it would all turn out OK."
|
Mesnick went on to other things, becoming a reality show star in the process, but even then he was defined by his single parenthood, something that both The Bachelorette and The Bachelor made much of in publicity for the shows. And, in a way, he says, they were right to do so.
"I was really worried about the impact the being on these shows would have on
Ty, so I talked to his therapist and his pediatrician and they said I'd have more
trouble adapting than he would," says Mesnick. "It did end up being very easy
to shield him from the cameras for the most part, and all he took away from it
was that dad has a lot of really interesting friends."
Mesnick says he was specifically not looking for a "mom" for Ty, but someone he cared about and who could be a mentor for Ty. He stresses that Ty already has a mom, and the two of them share custody. He even made sure he and his ex-wife stayed in the same neighborhood to make that shared custody less stressful for Ty.
"The marriage ended by her decision and I can say that I was really angry at first," says Mesnick. "The one thing we always did was say we're going to put our feelings aside for our son. It's not easy to swallow your pride and it doesn't feel good to hold that anger inside, but if you can get past that you can move on."
One of the goals of Jason's Place is to help other single parents move on. The focus is on the kids, and making the best of it for them. Also, while Mesnick understands that single parenting is tough at any age, he has a special affinity for those who are going through it for the first time with infants and toddlers, since that was his first experience as well.
"People's experiences with their toddlers are interesting for me because that's all I really know," says Mesnick. "It's a challenge no matter what the age, but it seems to me that being a single parent with a toddler really creates a bond. The funny thing is that people sometimes accuse me of not being a single parent because my ex-wife shares custody, but when you actually have the child, you're a single parent no matter what."
It's the range of experience that Mesnick is hoping to tap into with his new
site. He wants people to be able to vent, to get help in making tough decisions
and just to find support in dealing with the challenges of being a single parent.
"Communication and community are so important when you're facing a challenge, but the way the world is now people may not have close families or friends nearby," says Mesnick. "I'm hoping to give people a place where they can find that community, and maybe can even find groups nearby where they can connect on a face-to-face basis if that's what they need. This is a place where no matter how big or small a problem is we all help each other out."
|